An Open Letter to the Pet Who Just Peed on My Bathmat
You Know What You Did!
Dear Pet Who Just Peed on My Bathmat,
I don't know if you are a dog or cat. The size of the pee stain didn't offer any useful clues. But, Pet Who Just Peed on My Bathmat, whether you are a dog or a cat, I have a few words for you.
If you are a dog, you pee outside in that green stuff. It's called grass. Or you pee outside in that other green stuff. It's called ivy.
The bathmat in question is ecru and covered with fluffy loops that, while it does resemble a car chamois, does not in any way give the suggestion of
grass or ivy.
And, Pet Who Just Peed on My Bathmat, if you are a cat; well, you have no excuse. Please explain to me how my bathmat is similar to your cat litter. Did it shift beneath your feet when you stepped on it? Did you happen to notice the bathmat didn't clump after you wet it?
So, Pet Who Just Peed on My Bathmat, you have forced me to issue an open statement to all pets who live in my house.
To: All Pets Who Live in My House
Re: Peeing on My Bathmat
It has come to my attention that one of you has urinated on my bathmat. Please be advised that the bathmat absorbs the water from a human shower. It is not a receptacle for a pet golden shower. In the future, all pets will be expected to relieve themselves in their designated areas, and you know what I am talking about!
And, Pet Who Just Peed on My Bathmat, set a better example for the other pets in the house. Next time you are peeing, pretend I can see you and don't pee anywhere you shouldn't. Otherwise, I will be forced to purchase a Nanny Cam and catch you that way. That is all.