When You’ve Been Screwed so Many Times You are Considering Becoming a Prostitute
Updated: Dec 9, 2020
It's okay to say that you are suffering and feeling terrible when other people seem to have it worse
We've all had those moments. Something's not fair. We wanted something and didn't get it, or maybe life just shat on us; I mean, spectacularly shat on us. Some people might tell us things like, "Don't dwell on it," or "You just have to keep going," or "It could be worse." These are the people who don't deal with their feelings and, in six months or in two years, or in five years, when you are all healed and happy, they will have taken to substance abuse or an unhealthy reliance on watching Steve Harvey host The Family Feud to help them continue to ignore those problems they "shouldn't dwell on."
We cannot put problems to rest until we deal with them. If we hide them and gloss over them, they will keep coming back, like that villain in a horror movie no one can seem to kill. Ignoring feelings is akin to holding a beach ball underwater; you can only hold it down for so long before it comes careening upward, bursting through the water's surface. The longer and deeper you hold it under, the bigger the explosion when it emerges.
We all have bad things happen, but there are times when I feel like life is a neverending parade of crap situations and, thus, an endless parade of my own failures and shortcomings. If you feel like this, and you tell someone, and they think you are whiny or give you one of the platitudes I mentioned above, DO NOT TELL THIS PERSON HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING SENSITIVE EVER AGAIN.
These people likely cannot deal with your negative feelings. They are not bad people, and probably think their platitudes are helping, but they do not "get" it. Also, don't tell your true feelings about personal things to someone you don't know well enough to trust, as most people do not know how to deal with the emotions of others and would rather spend a day stuck in an elevator with Carrot Top than have you discuss your feelings with them, or, horror-of-horrors, have to discuss their own feelings!
In my experience, it is difficult to find people who know how to validate other people, or who even know what validation is, which is a topic for a future post. Yeah, sometimes we are all whiny and complain about insignificant things, like what some idiot at work did, or how we think our internet provider is purposely slowing down our internet speed just to spite us. But there are valid reasons for feeling like crap about our lives, too, and for talking to someone about them.
Sometimes, improbable as it may seem, we may have experienced a line of such events so long that trying to find the beginning or end is akin to searching for someone without a mullet haircut at a Six Flags: it's not gonna happen.
Mark Twain said:
"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities."
Mark Twain is often misquoted, so I even bothered to fact check this quote, and I know for sure he is the originator.
Sometimes, your parade of shit is so improbable that other people think you're making it up. And, yeah, maybe some of it is your fault. Like, maybe investing in that line of cookware made of cheese wasn't such a good idea. But many times the crap is not your fault, and you just seem to have odd and/or unfortunate things happen to you a whole lot. Trust me, I speak from experience!
Once again, this is why you should tell only trusted people about your misfortunes, or you could also choose to detail them for strangers on a blog! Many people will not believe you and think you are either making it all up or exaggerating. And, perhaps, rightfully so. Lots of folks out there lie and/or exaggerate, and if someone has met a lot of those people, why wouldn’t they suspect you are one of them?
I am at a point in my life where I feel like I've been screwed over in so many ways and so many times that I may just start an escort service. While some of my problems are indeed due to my own bad judgment, others, the most catastrophic ones, have been due to professionals who should have noticed things but didn't. Or just bad luck, or weirdness, like getting hit by a car that was leading the police on a high-speed chase (true story). Sometimes, I feel sorry for myself, as I probably sound like I am now. Sometimes I feel angry and go for a 12-mile hike that causes me two-weeks of foot pain, and sometimes I decide I feel grateful that I'm past that time in my life.
Yes, I now have trust issues and sometimes feel annoyed if someone breathes loudly in my vicinity. Still, I've also lost my ridiculous naïveté and trusting nature. I even fact-checked MARK TWAIN. See? I don't trust anyone now, but that's actually a good thing in some ways. I mean before it was BAD. I was like Pollyanna on steroids, only without huge, scary muscles to accompany my blonde braids. If I had been a three-year-old, you could easily have lured me into the back of your windowless-white van with the promise of puppies and candy. So I am, in some sense, grateful for all this screwing over that has happened to me because now I am WATCHFUL. I am watchful the way the parent of a toddler is when he or she notices the house has suddenly gone quiet.
The unfortunate side to this change in my demeanor is that I will have to waterboard you approximately 17 times before I believe anything you say. But, hey, you can't have everything!
I'm getting around, slowly, to telling my story. And yes, of course some people have it worse than I do. There always are people who will, but when we are going through our own suffering, even if it is not as extreme as the suffering of someone else, depending on our level of innate sensitivity, it may FEEL just as awful to us as their suffering feels to them. This is why playing the "one-upping game" about suffering will always end poorly.
You may think someone is being a drama queen (or king), but it's very possible their suffering just feels that bad to them. And this is why we have to learn not to discuss our suffering with any random person we meet, as many of us are wont to do, especially right after something terrible happens.
We need to find one or two people in front of whom we can fall apart in our full glory. We need people in front of whom we can roll around on the floor, ugly cry, feel sorry for ourselves, and even pitch a fit like a young child. We need people who know us well enough to realize we are not lying when we describe the five ridiculous, improbable things that happened to us in one day. People who get that, as people, we may be likely to flush half our scarf down the toilet, and also back our car into a post, and have our doctor hit on us during our yearly physical all in the same day. We need people to talk to who understand our natures and our truths!
No one should, as I once did, ask a bartender if he has any extra-strong shots for a woman who just found out her longterm(ish) boyfriend is a secret sex addict. Doing so will make people uncomfortable, and is also just bad form, even if it is your birthday, and you are incredibly drunk and also have to go to work the next day, though your bartender may give you an extra shot on the house, as mine did.
It's okay if you need to feel bad for a while, even a long while. It's okay to still roll around on the carpet and cry every afternoon when you get home from work, even if you live in a lovely house, and you know there are homeless people everywhere.
It's okay to be a sad sack like Ross, on Friends, even though you have a personal chef, and there are starving children in Africa. You do whatever you need to. Feel sorry for yourself. Go on a long hike, and hurt your feet. I do not recommend you actually become a prostitute as the title of this post suggests. That will only create more problems.
It's okay that you are suffering and feeling terrible when other people have it worse. That doesn't make you a heinous person. And, remember, when it comes to suffering, it's all relative.