• Larkyn Simony

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT MARRY A CAT

I Don't Care How He Sweet Talks You, Do Not Let This Cat Convince You to Marry Him



  • If you don’t like picking up Spouse’s dirty socks, you aren’t gonna like picking up their poop much better


  • In fact, pooping in a box is a questionable choice to begin with


  • Spouse might choose to sleep in your hair while making loud grunting noises in your ear


  • Spouse may not sleep in the bed for six months, and instead sleep in a questionable position on top of the cable box


  • Watching Spouse drag their butt across the living-room rug isn’t a good lead-in to intimacy


  • While you may enjoy when Spouse brings you gifts, dead mice and chipmunks are probably not what you had in mind


  • When you need Spouse to help with a household chore, it will take 35 minutes and shaking a bag of Tostitos to locate them hiding under the sofa


  • That sound Spouse will make when they are about to throw up. And throwing up for no good reason, except that it’s Tuesday


  • Engagement ring will be an old collar with a bunch of extra holes punched in it so it will fit your finger. Will also have bells


  • Will have to serve Meow Mix as an hors d’oeuvres at wedding


Photo by the author. Charlie the cat. He's a lover


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