• Larkyn Simony


I Don't Care How He Sweet Talks You, Do Not Let This Cat Convince You to Marry Him

  • If you don’t like picking up Spouse’s dirty socks, you aren’t gonna like picking up their poop much better

  • In fact, pooping in a box is a questionable choice to begin with

  • Spouse might choose to sleep in your hair while making loud grunting noises in your ear

  • Spouse may not sleep in the bed for six months, and instead sleep in a questionable position on top of the cable box

  • Watching Spouse drag their butt across the living-room rug isn’t a good lead-in to intimacy

  • While you may enjoy when Spouse brings you gifts, dead mice and chipmunks are probably not what you had in mind

  • When you need Spouse to help with a household chore, it will take 35 minutes and shaking a bag of Tostitos to locate them hiding under the sofa

  • That sound Spouse will make when they are about to throw up. And throwing up for no good reason, except that it’s Tuesday

  • Engagement ring will be an old collar with a bunch of extra holes punched in it so it will fit your finger. Will also have bells

  • Will have to serve Meow Mix as an hors d’oeuvres at wedding

Photo by the author. Charlie the cat. He's a lover

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